How infertility changes you
It honestly doesn’t seem that long ago when there was a time I dreamt of my family. Having six kids and just being a mother surrounded by my babies and love, then life happened….
After treatment for abnormal cells, years of work, our wedding, house then years of infertility, I can honestly say the day I became a mom, the dreamt of picture that stayed with me for years, had faded and morphed into something and someone I only recently became to got in touch with.
With infertility awereness week coming to and end, I think about my life and how so many have gone without ever knowing the love, joy and fear of having a child all your own.
This post is about how infertility has changed me and everything surrounding my life. Nothing can ever prepare you for the infertility road.
The road to never accomplishing something no matter how hard you try. One that ends abruptly, like a car crash and you’re not wearing your seatbelt. A journey based on sheer and utter love now turning into one with only despair and loneliness. One swallowing you whole until almost every part of you in covered with this new found reality.
Surviving infertility is not for the weak, shy nor narrow-minded. It is for the strong, enduring and most importantly people who have hope. A few years ago I would have told you (Secretly of course) I have lost almost everything, my relationship, my patience, friends (ones I thought I would have forever), and the dream of my family.
That feeling that starts in the pit of your stomach, its hollow and deep, the one that chokes you and allows tears to form, that sadness, the sorrow for something I never had and would give up anything for, what was it for, how could this be my story?
Nope -Refusing to stop the fight for funding, working hard, being positive, and never ever giving up my hopes and beliefs. That we are all led to where we are meant to be – this is how my story was going to be but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t changed who I am deep inside.
I made sure never to listen to all those people: “Maybe this is natural selection” “Just quit your job” (a.k.a become a dependent on the system I fight so hard to equalize and giving up who I am as a person?) “Don’t think about it” What? “Have fun trying” Right because we are just robots who are aroused by a button – obviously we are having fun!
These are a few, very few,remarks we have heard. Although some genuine and others out right ludicrous (I have left the worst ones out for fear of giving them any justice or stance to hurt anyone else). These change you the most really and your outlook on humanity changes unfortunately. I vow to make up for it with kindness myself;)
This past week we celebrated my miracle sons first birthday, you know who he is, and born as my reminder always during this very important week. My reminder to never allow anyone who wants to be a parent the inability to try.
Parenthood is miraculous, our baby boy is so amazing and never taken for granted. The love we have for him is indescribable and no one should ever be without this feeling if they truly desire becoming a parent. No one said it is easy, no one tells you how fast years and dreams fade by, but no one should have their right to be a parent abolished either.
Infertility is a medical condition, we live in a society and time where we can help all those suffering with this disease. Ecstatic our government has promised funding and is taking the time to get it right. We will make this work because it saves costs and helps those suffering finally have a chance – even if just one!
So as we close on such an important week I ask you to make everyday Infertility day, advocate, inspire, help and support one another. Not all of us will be lucky/blessed or disappointed but at the very least we will not be alone and we always will have hope – if not for ourselves for our future generations.
I so agree that this is not for the weak, and nothing can prepare you for this! I’m glad you were able to become a mommy. Hoping to join you soon in motherhood soon! 🙂
Thank you so much Renuka, I do hope so too and will never stop advocating! xo
Pulling back the veil on infertility. Beautifully written.
Thank you so very much Jennie xo